To Love And Be Loved
by SeakingMyHermioneGranger
Summary: What happens when two friends fall in love with each other, but neither knows the other feels the same way? Disclaimer: I do NOT own south of nowhere or spashley, they belong to Tom Lynch
1. Chapter One

**Spencer's Pov**

_She has the most amazing chocolate colored eyes, perfectly tanned skin, and soft brown curls. Oh, and to top it all of she has the body of a goddess. Her name is Ashley Davies, my best friend, and the love of my life. My name? I'm Spencer Carlin, senior in high school and an average teenager, besides the whole lesbian part. She knows I like girls, and she's fine with it, but there's no way she could ever feel the same way as me so I'll just admire her secretly._

I pull up at school in my 911 Turbo Porsche, _did I mention I come from a wealthy family? Oh, well I do. Ok back to what I was saying, _I pull up to school and as soon as I get out of my car Ashley pulls up on her silver Ducati. She is also from a very wealthy family.

" Hey Ash, I thought you weren't going to bring the Ducati to school anymore after that guy tried to steal it." I ask remembering the day a random guy tried to steal her motorcycle and ended up getting his ass kicked by none other than Ashley Davies herself.

"Um, yeah well I know how much you like it so I was going to ask if you maybe wanted to go for a ride after school today?" _Do I sense a hint of nervousness there? No, why would she possibly be nervous? Exactly, there is no reason for her to be. I must just be imagining things._

" Yeah I would love to, but I have water polo practice today, maybe you could just hang out until my practice is over?"

Yeah I'll be there."

**Ashley's Pov**

" Yeah I would love to, but I have water polo practice today, maybe you could just hang out until my practice is over?" _I would do anything for you._

Yeah I'll be there." _Forever and always._

So here's the story, she's amazing, beautiful and perfect. I'm in love with her. She is my best friend, and the love of my life. I am a lesbian, but she doesn't know that. I know that she is, and would accept me as I am. I just am trying to find the right time to tell her. As for the her being the love of my life part, that's something I will never tell her. So for now, admiring her from afar will have to do.

**After School, Still Ashley's Pov**

I'm sitting in the bleachers, while Spencer has her water polo practice. Watching her in the water, droplets rolling off her gorgeous body, is really getting me worked up. I wish I was those water drops. Why is she getting out of the pool? Oh, practice is over. I guess I got so caught up in watching her, that I didn't realize the time going past.

I decided to wait at my bike until she got out of the locker room. As she walks out of the school I think I might have some drool on my lip. She looks stunning with her tight jeans, tight shirt, and damp hair.

"So I thought we could leave your car here, and just pick it back up later. If that's ok with you?" _Haha that will give me a little extra time with her since the school is a longer ride from where we will be than her house._

" Yeah that would be perfect, lets go."

**Spencer's Pov**

We are riding down the highways, probably going extremely fast, knowing how she drives. The thing is I don't even notice the speed, all I notice is how good it feels to have my arms around her, with my front completely against her back. I don't even bother to ask where we are going, I'm so lost in the feeling of her.


	2. Chapter Two

**Spencer's Pov**

The Los Angeles sun is hot as we ride through traffic. She swiftly drives in between two cars, she never was a person to sit and wait, she liked to just fly through. I look at all of the people as we ride by them, and wonder what their lives are like. Have they been luck enough to find the love of their lives? Do they have kids? Are they rich, poor, or middle class? All questions I ask myself, thinking about how my life might relate to theirs.

I get off of the back of Ashley's motorcycle when we pull up to a diner we like to go to sometimes after school. As she grabs my hand and pulls me inside I feel an electric current flow through my body. The diner always has a very homey feeling to it, with its rich colored walls and eccentric colored booths everywhere.

Ashley pulls me to sit in our favorite secluded boot in the back of the diner. _Why does she look so nervous? Something must be wrong._

"Hey Ash, um is something wrong?" I ask her nervously. Hoping she hasn't figured out how I really feel about her.

"Um actually there is something I've been meaning to kind of tell you, but I haven't been able to find the right way to do it…" I nod for her to continue, "ithinkilikegirls!" She rushes her words out so fast I don't understand what exactly she said.

" Um do you think you could repeat that slower, maybe like a normal person?" I say chuckling so she knows I'm just kidding.

" Can I take your orders?" the waitress asks us politely.

" Yeah, we will both have a plate of fries, and a Dr. Pepper." she jots our order down on her note pad and walks away. " So, repeat what you said just a little slower please."

" I-I-I think I like g-girls." She says and immediately looks down at her hands. I just continue to stare at her, to shocked to say anything. _It all fits now, why she never talked about any guys, and always turned down any guy who dared to ask her out. _" I'm sorry, I know this is kind of sudden, and I didn't mean to just attack you with that."

"Hey Ash, don't worry, I was just shocked. So are there any special girls you have your eyes on?" _Please say no, I don't think I could bear to hear how she feels about other girls._

"Actually there is this one girl, but I know she doesn't feel the same way. So I'm just sticking with admiring her from afar. I wouldn't want to make her hate me or anything by telling her." _I know the smile I had on my face falls immediately after she says this, why can't she just feel the same way as me? Am I really that bad? _

"Well hey, any girl would be lucky to have you. And if she turns you down, then she's a complete idiot. I think you should go for it, for all you know she could be feeling the same way as you." _I can't neglect my best friend requirements just because I'm jealous._

" Well maybe one day I'll tell her, but definatly not anytime soon."

The waitress comes back with our orders, and we eat in silence. After we eat, we head back out to her bike and head off to the school to get my car. As soon as we pull up at the school I get off the bike and unlock my car.

" Hey do you maybe want to spend the night at my house? No ones going to be home, and you know how I feel about being home alone at night." She was using her pout against me, she knew I couldn't say no to it. I don't answer her I just pull out my phone and dial my house phone.

" Hi daddy!….Yeah I just wanted to let you know I'm spending the night at Ashley's….. Yeah I know….Ok….I love you too, bye." As I hang up the phone Ashley starts jumping around doing her happy dance.

" Yaaaaaaaaaay! You so can't resist me!" She says while still jumping around like a 5 year old.

"Ok ok, I'll meet you at your house in a few." I get in my car and drive to her place, I don't bother to turn on the radio. I'm busy thinking about how tonight will go, and what will happen at her house. _Maybe I'll tell her tonight? No I know I wont be able to. But maybe we'll watch a scary movie together, and I'll have an excuse to cuddle into her. Sneaky Spencer, that's what they should call me. I'm the bomb like tick tick. _

**A/N: Ok I know the chapters are short, but hopefully I can pull out some longer ones soon. I already have an idea of what I want to do with this story, I just have to figure out how I'm going to get there. I really want to continue this story and not abandon it like I did to " All You Need Is Love" By the way, reviews will make me write more, and write longer chapters :DD I love constructive criticism. **


	3. Chapter Three

**Spencer's Pov**

As I pull up to Ashley's house I see she hasn't gotten here yet. _I wonder what's taking her so long. Oh well, it's times like these I'm glad I have my own key to her house. _As I unlock the door I decide to walk up the stairs to Ashley's room and listen to some music. I decide to listen to Skyway Avenue by We The Kings.

"_She said let's change our luck,_

_This night is all we've got,_

_Drive fast until we crash,_

_This dead end life, _

_Sweet dreams that won't come true,_

_I'd leave it all for you, _

_Brick walls are closing in,_

_Lets make a run tonight._

_Blinded by the light,_

_Hold you through forever,_

_Won't let you go,_

'_Cause if you jump,_

_I will jump too,_

_We will fall together,_

_From the buildings ledge,_

_Never looking back at what we've done,_

_We'll say it was love,_

'_Cause I would die for you,_

_On skyway aven-"_

My song was interrupted by someone sitting on me. I open my eyes to see Ashley looking down straddling me. _Oh god if only she knew what she was doing to me. I can feel tingles all over my body from her touch. _

"What are you doing?" I ask her curiously

"I'm about to torture you for breaking into my house." She declares with a mischievous smile on her face, and before I get to ask what she means, she starts tickling me.

" Ahhh nooooo stop ! Owwwwww" I yell out. Which makes her immediately stop her actions.

" Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Did I hurt you? Are you ok?" She begins freaking out, trying to locate where I'm hurt. While she does that I proceed to flip us over so that I'm on top, and I begin tickling her. Eventually we stop and we are just laying there on her bed trying to control out laughter. She begins taking deep breaths to stop her giggling. Once we are calmed down we just lay there and look at each other. _I want to kiss her so bad, but I know I can't. She would hate me, and I couldn't stand living without her. She looks so beautiful laying there with her messy curls framing her face in the perfect way. I could just stare at her forever. I know I should probably say something, but I don't want to ruin this moment._

" So, what do you want to do?" I reluctantly ask her. " I was thinking maybe we could watch a scary movie?"

" Yeah, that's a great idea. You stay here and I'll go grab The Unborn." She says as she walks out of the room. _I wonder why she seemed sad about having to walk away, maybe I'm just seeing things. Yeah that's it. All that ticking, must have gone to my head. Oh, she's back I should probably pay attention._

" Ok, I made popcorn and got us some Dr. Peppers, and the movie is in the DVD player. Do you want anything else?" She asks while setting the drinks and popcorn down.

"No, but can you turn the lights off?" I ask innocently, when my intentions are really anything but innocent. She doesn't say anything, she just walks over and turns the lights off. When she lays down she presses play.

"Come here." She says opening her arms for me, "You know your going to get scared." She smiles at me as I scoot over and cuddle into her arms. _I wish I could sleep in her arms every night. I can dream. _

The movie starts and even though its not that scary I grip her shirt tighter and hide in the crook of her neck. I'm practically laying on top of her. _She smells so good. She smells fruity. Haha. _By the time the movie is over, I am on top of her. My head is in the crook of her neck and the arms are wrapped around her, as she soothingly rubs me back.

"Hey, the movie is over. You can look now. I promise nothing will attack you." She whispers quietly in my ear, and just as she pulls away her lips bump my ear. Just that small amount of contact sends shivers down my spine.

" Are you sure? You promise?" I ask like a 5 year old, then I feel her nod her head. I slowly peak out from her neck and see the TV is off so I let go of her completely and fall onto the bed next to her. "Sorry, I didn't mean to just like lay on top of you."

" It's fine, I don't mind one bit." _Did I sense some flirtatiousness in her voice? No, it cant be, she was just being a good friend. If only she meant it as more than friendly. Why can't she just love me? I love her so much it hurts, all I want is for her to feel the same way. Out of everyone I had to fall in love with, why did it have to be her? _" Spence! Spencer? What's wrong?" She asks, I guess I got caught up in my thought.

" Nothing, I'm fine. Just thinking. But I am kind of tired, can we go to sleep?" I ask looking at her clock. It reads 10:23 pm

"Yeah, sure we can. Come here, You know your going to have nightmares if you aren't cuddling with someone." I crawl into her arms and get comfortable.

" Thanks. I love you best friend."

"I love you too best friend." They both drift off to sleep thinking the same thing, _more than you could ever understand._


	4. Chapter Four

_**Ashley's Pov**_

_I woke up about 30 minutes ago, but I haven't been able to move at all. Spencer is practically laying on top of me, sleeping. I also didn't want to move because of how cute she is when she is sleeping. She will crinkle her nose really adorably, and sometimes she will snugly impossible closer to me. I know we should probably be getting up soon so we can get ready for school, so I reluctantly wake her up._

"_Spence, wake up. We have to get ready for school baby." As soon as that word leaves my mouth a freeze, hoping she didn't hear my slip up._

"_Hm? You called me baby?" Oh god, come on Ashley think, there's got to be some excuse for why you would call her that!_

" Yeah because your such a baby! Always whining about everything. 'Ashley this movie is scary! I'm cold! This is boring'" I mock her playfully. _Way to think on your toes Ashley. You are the bomb, like tick tick. _

"Shut up! I do not sound like that. Whatever. I'm going to jump in the shower, can I borrow some clothes?" _Hm maybe I can use this to my advantage. _

" Yeah you get your smelly ass showered, and when you get out I'll have clothes for you."

"Ugh! Fine be that way, but oh I will get you back later. And you will regret being mean to me!" she yells as she walks into the bathroom.

"See what I mean, always whining!" I start laughing.

I go and take a shower in the guest bedroom, and come back into my bedroom in a towel. I head straight to my closet and pick out purple skinny jeans, a white and purple shirt, and purple vans for me. Then for Spencer's outfit I picked out an extremely short skirt, a vest that doesn't cover much, and a pair of hot flats, since she's not big on heals.

" Yo, where are my clothes ho?" Spencer asks in her best 'gangsta' voice.

" What? You pay me and that's it. I mean last night was fun, but I have other clients." I play along, " Ok really, your clothes are right there." I point to the clothes. I immediately start to strip off my towels and put my clothes on, as I turn around I notice Spencer staring. "See something you like?" I ask.

"Pft, no I was just looking at how slutty you look." She says smirking. She puts her clothes on and I steal a few subtle glances. "Wow Ash, way to make me look like a slut. Go get me different clothes now!"

I walk back into my closet and fond her a very tight pair of black pants, a very low v-cut plain white shirt, and a tight black leather jacket, with a pair of black vans. I bring it to her, and she changes with a smile on her face.

"Thank you, this is better. We should be heading out now." She says.

We walk out to my black Aston Martin V12. It is my favorite car I own. It has a killer sound system, black leather seats, and custom blacked out rims. As we get in, I turn on the radio and we start singing along to "Boom Boom Pow" by The Black Eyed Peas. Other than the singing, we ride in silence. We decided to stop at Starbucks. When we get out, a random guy immediately approaches Spencer.

"Damn baby you look hot! Can I get your number good looking?" _Ugh stop trying to be smooth, you sound like an idiot. Oh Spencer is giving me the eyes meaning she wants me to help. Fine I guess I will help her._

" Yeah baby you do look hot," I say walking over to her, "Oh, Mr. Smooth-Talker, she's taken." I know I have a huge grin on my face while I say this.

"Yeah right, if that's true then you wouldn't mind proving it by making out with her." He says with a cocky smile.

" Oh what like this?" I look into Spencer's eyes, telling her its ok. Then I go in for the kill, and as soon as my lips reach hers a spark shoots through my body. I lick her bottom lip swiftly with my tongue, asking for permission, which she gives. We stand there for a few minutes making out. When we pull apart the guy looks at us with his jaw on the floor "Close your mouth, it's so not attractive. Come on baby." We walk into Starbucks with my arm around her shoulders. When we get inside away from the boy, I take my arm back.

"Can you get me a vanilla bean frappuccino?" I nod my head yes and get us both a medium vanilla bean frappuccino. I hand her, her drink. We walk out the door, and drive straight to school with no radio and no talking. Just silence. But it's a comfortable silence, not an awkward one like I was expecting.

When we finally get to school we walk up to our friends. Kyla, Madison, Aiden, and Chelsea are all waiting for us. As soon as we walk up they take one look at us and notice something is up.

"Hey what's wrong with you guys? You guys seem different. Did something happen between you too?" _Why is she always so god damn bubbly. Its to early to deal with this crap. Ugh, why did I kiss her. I was just trying to help her out, but I just made myself feel worse._

" We're fine! I'm going to class." I rush off towards Pre Calc.

" Hey! Wait up!" I hear Spencer yell for me, and I stop immediately. Then start walking when she reaches me. As soon as we reach the classroom, and sit down the bell rings.

"Ok students, today is a free day, do what you want." _Mr. May is such a slacker on Mondays, but today I'm happy about that. It will give me time to talk to Spencer._

"What is up with you? Why are you having an attitude?" _Because I made out with you, knowing it would make my heart hurt. Because I am in love with you, but can't tell you because you would hate me._

" I'm fine, just tired. Um I'm sorry about what happened with that guy, I was just helping you get him to go away." _And I really wanted to kiss you, and that was the only way I could._

" Yeah I know, I asked for it. I should be thanking you." _Don't thank me, slap me for being in love with you._

" Hey I was wondering, since prom is coming up in 2 months, do you want to go with me? Like as friends I mean." _Please, please, please, please say yes!_

" Yeah I would love to go with you to prom. As friends you know." _Yay! Friends is better than nothing. _

The rest of the day went by smoothly, and after school I took Spencer to my house to get her car, then she had to go home for 'family night' leaving me to spend the rest of the night thinking about everything that happened today and think about prom.

**A/N: Ok so this is a little longer than others, not super long because school is kicking my ass right now. I have prom already planned out in my mind, so all I have to do is figure out what will happen till prom, so your guess is as good as mine lol. I love reviews, and criticism. So leave some :D**

**I wanted to get this up tonight, because I don't know if I will be able to update tomorrow, we'll see. Hope you all are doing good, have a nice day/night. :D **


	5. Chapter Five

Spencer's POV:

I'm sitting in my room doing my homework for the night but I just can't seem to concentrate on anything. I had to come straight home after school because it was family night, but I just couldn't get myself to focus. I just sat there the entire night and when it was finally over I decided to do my homework. Since I can't concentrate maybe I should try giving Ashley a call. She's definatly still awake, its only 10 pm and she stays us till at least midnight.

I grab my phone from my bedside table, and dial her phone number. As soon as it starts calling I hear her ring back tone, it's Check Yes Juliet by We The Kings.

"Hello?" I hear a groggy voice answer.

"Ashley? I'm sorry, did I wake you up? You never go to sleep before midnight." I immediately feel guilty for calling her.

"No its ok, I wasn't sleeping. I'm just tired, but not to tired to talk to you. What were you calling for?" _To hear your voice because it's the only thing that helps me sleep._

"I…um….I wanted to tell you something….but I have to tell you in person. Can you come over maybe?" _This is it I'm going to tell her the truth. I can't hide it anymore, no; I don't __**want**__ to hide it anymore._

"Um yeah, I'm on my way. I'll be there in 5 minutes." She stutters

"Can you climb the tree like you usually do? My parents don't want my having guests right now, but this cant wait."

"Yeah, see you soon." She says and I hear a click, meaning she hung up and is on her way

_Ok Spencer, you can do this. You __**can **__do this. All you have to do is tell her. She'll understand, there is no way she is going to end our friendship over this. Who knows, she might even feel the same way. Ok no, don't get that far ahead of yourself. It will be fine. _

About five minutes later I head someone tapping on my window. I cross the room and open it as wide as it can go to let Ashley climb through. As she climbs through I realize what she is wearing. She had on a pair of grey sweat pants and a tight We The Kings shirt, with her hair messily pulled back. Even like this she is completely gorgeous.

"So Spencer, there was something you wanted to tell me?" Why does she look so nervous? Oh my god, what if she already knows. No there's no way she knows, I made sure not to let her find out.

"Yeah um, let's go sit down then we'll talk." I lead her to my bed and we sit cross legged facing each other. She looks at me and puts a hand on my knee urging me to talk. "OK so, we have been friends for a long time, and I would never want anything bad to come between us, but I have to tell you something. I don't know how you will react or feel about the information I am about to give you, but I need you to promise me that no matter what we will always be best friends."

"I promise. Nothing could ever make me not want to be your best friend. You are the best thing in my life, and nothing could change that." She says soothingly. _Well its now or never, here we go._

"Ashley, I-I am in love with….you…" I look down and start fiddling with my hands and biting my bottom lip. It's been a good two minutes and she hasn't said anything. My bottom lip starts to quiver and I know the water works are on there way. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. I tried to stop it but I'm just so in love with you, and I couldn't help hide it anymore. Please don't hate me, please." I look up at her with tears running down my cheeks. Before I know it her lips are on mine, with her thumbs brushing away my tears. The kiss is slow and passionate, and that's all it needs to be right now.

"Spencer, I'm in love with you too. So much that it hurts sometimes." She says pecking me on the lips a few more times.

"Can you stay tonight? I just don't want to be alone tonight." _I'm scared that if she leaves, I'll wake up and all of this would turn out to be a dream. _

"Of course, I'll stay here with you always and forever." We lay back on my bed facing each other with her arms around me and me cuddling into her. I kiss her softly, we just lay there with our lips moving against each other slowly, never heating up or deepening. We end the kiss and I cuddle into her as far as I can. We slowly drift to sleep, knowing we will need our energy for when we talk tomorrow.

**A/N: ****ok I know, I'm terrible. But I have a legitimate excuse. First I had finals and then when they were over I was intent on updating but my computer crashed. I just got it back yesterday and I knew I should update now. I hope you will still read and review :] And I hope this chapter helps make up for the delay. I was going to have Spencer tell Ashley late in the story but I decided to do it now. I will be updating more often now that its summer. Review please :] if you do I will send Spencer and Ashley to your house for a sexy party ****J**


	6. Chapter Six: Bye To All

**So, I am abandoning this story, sorry if you were reading it : /**

**Its just that Ive been going through a lot lately, and I cant write this story anymore. I just got out of a relationship with a girl I was absolutely in love with. I found out she was cheating on me the entire time we were dating, and when I asked her about it and she lied to me. I had to find out she was by her other "girlfriend."**

**I am trying to be her friend at least because I don't want to lose her, but its hard sometimes because she makes it difficult, and my heart keeps getting in the way because of how sad I feel about us being over. But Im going to Disneyland soon with a friend of mine to clear my head for a while, I think its going to get better, but who knows right now.**

**Thank you if you were reading my story or if you read this long stupid note. **

**Hope your life is going well, **

**-Alyssa (aka Babycakes/Jesus)**

**P.S. I might start a different story, or something before I go back to school, it all depends on how long it takes for the pain to stop.**


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